The Worst Person to Make Your Life-or-Death Decisions Is the Person Who Loves You Most
Why your devoted spouse or eldest child is probably the wrong choice for your care proxy—and how to pick the one who won't freeze.
By Neil D'Monte, Palmelle Editorial Team · Reviewed by Neil D'Monte · 7 min read · 2026-06-05
At 2:00 AM in a fluorescent-lit ICU, a doctor asks a simple question: 'Do we keep the ventilator on?' Your spouse of forty years is sobbing, unable to speak, paralyzed by the weight of a decision they never wanted to make. This is the exact moment most people realize they picked the wrong proxy.
